Winoka, Dakota Territory– Recent hotel manager hires Charles and Caroline Ingalls failed to mention their dog when negotiating a room for their children for a five dollar reduction in monthly pay. Mr. Thoms, the hiring manager who selected Charles and Caroline, initially balked when he learned that the couple had children. “I had already made…
Undisclosed Location, Arizona– Recent reports indicate that two men who recently engaged in a fist fight also hit on a pregnant woman. Mort Carstairs and Professor William Woestehoff recently traded barbs and fists over the grade Laura Ingalls Wilder received on her final exam. What the two men did not realize, however, is that Laura,…
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports from the sleepy Minnesota town indicate that Laura Ingalls Wilder has fallen ass backwards into another stellar house. The young woman who grew up living in the little house her father built–a house so small that she shared a loft with no real barrier to the rest of the house and,…
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Miss Beadle totally made out with a man during the lunch break, students report. Mary Ingalls sat outside the school house despondent over the state of her eyesight when a man arrived and flirted with the child. After bestowing a flower upon Mary, the man entered the school house where Mary followed to…
Walnut Grove, Minn.-It has recently become apparent through an act of smoking in bed that Charles Ingalls learned nothing in the recent tragedy that killed his grandson and best friend’s wife. Caroline Ingalls, wife of the reckless smoker, reported that as early as several weeks after the fire that killed their grandchild, Charles was smoking…
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports indicate that the town is surprised to learn that Albert Ingalls owns a full-fledged suit. The boy who recently joined the Ingalls family arrived to the first day of school wearing a suit, much to the surprise of the town. “Charles Ingalls barely even wears suits, and those girls have had…
Walnut Grove, Minn. – As troubling as the recent events are that led the town of Walnut Grove to the decision that blowing up the town was the only sensible course of action, perhaps nothing in recent weeks that has happened is as troubling as Jason Carter setting dozens of rabbits free to fend for…
Walnut Grove, Minn.– In light of the sensationalism surrounding the Oscars altercation between Will Smith and Chris Rock, Almanzo Wilder would like to remind everyone that he has punched a child not only once, but twice. “Well, sure, it’s not something I usually brag about, but I can’t believe people brush it under the rug…
Walnut Grove, Minn.- Residents of Walnut Grove are marveling at Doc Baker’s relatively trim body in light of how much pie the medical professional receives in payment for services. “He must have a great metabolism,” Nels Oleson commented. “He’s always getting paid with food. Granted he gets some chickens and apples, but he gets so…
