Breaking: Dissatisfied Customer Pinpoints High Turnover As Reason For Dissatisfactory Service
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Henry Riley, frequent unsatisfied patron at Nellie’s Restaurant, believes he has pinpointed what…
Breaking: Dissatisfied Customer Pinpoints High Turnover As Reason For Dissatisfactory Service
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Henry Riley, frequent unsatisfied patron at Nellie’s Restaurant, believes he has pinpointed what is wrong with the establishment. “You see, I have it all figured out,” Henry excitedly shares. “The problem with this place is high turnover. I mean, look at all these employees you have here–first it was Nellie and it was…
Report: Man Who Wanted to Blend In Selected Name Percival
Walnut Grove, Minn. – Sources report that the recent visitation of Benjamin and Edna Cohen has illuminated the fact that Percival Dalton (born Isaac Cohen), chose his name in an effort to fit in and find employment. “Harriet had all kind of issues with the Cohen family,” Nels Oleson comments, “but did it ever once…
Elliott Reed Bets Carter Family Wishes They Had Taken Him Up On Offer Now That John Blew Up Their House
New York, New York– Recent reports indicate that Elliott Reed, father of Sarah Carter, bets that his daughter’s family regrets not taking him up on his recent offer now that their house has been blown up in advance of the railroad coming to Walnut Grove. “I want to make it clear that I never approved…
Report: Charles Would Have Punched Him Anyway
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports from the small farming community reveal that Charles Ingalls wants everyone to understand that he would have punched Jenny Sherman’s husband anyway. It seems that recently while Jenny labored with the couple’s first child, Dr. Baker was out of town. Dr. LeDoux, recent addition to Walnut Grove’s professional community, rushed to…
Telephone Crew Sad About Moonshine Loss
Sleepy Eye, Minn.–Recent reports indicate that a large percentage of the workers installing telephone poles across southern Minnesota are disgruntled by a loss of alcohol that could have been easily and entirely prevented. Shaughnessy, cook for the work crew, spent weeks brewing and distilling moonshine only to abandon the enterprise when his machinery exploded. Crewmen…
Itzak Still Waiting On Town’s Fulfillment of Christmas Promises
Colorado Springs, Co.-It has been one year since the town made Christmas promises to Jewish peddler Itzak that it has yet to fulfill. “I’ve been waiting for one year,” Itzak says. “Last Christmas, I gave this town my heart, but the very next day, it seems they gave it away.” Itzak arrived in Colorado Springs…
Breaking: Christmases They Never Forgot Supplanted By This Christmas
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Breaking news from the snowed-in Ingalls home indicate that this Christmas has supplanted everyone’s Christmas they never forgot. “After spending all day, all night, and then this whole day again in this house, I am telling you, I have seen some things in my day but this about tops them all,” Hester Sue…
Report: All Jake Wants For Christmas Is Recognition For His True Power
Colorado Springs, CO.- As the Christmas hustle and bustle is in full swing and with just a couple days left to find that perfect last minute gift, sources in the mountain town reveal that Jake Slicker has dropped some pretty strong hints about what he wants: recognition for the power he holds over the town–but…
Ingalls Family To Eat Lightly, Get No Christmas Presents For Different Reason This Time
Walnut Grove, Minn.- A decision Charles Ingalls recently made has relegated his family to eating lightly for the foreseeable future with impacts possibly extending to the Christmas season. The Ingalls family, no stranger to times of poverty, is forced to tighten their belts for an unusual reason this time: Charles’s impulse purchase of a snow…
Mark and Jonathan Ignore Actual Emergencies On Way To Get Kid In Santa’s Lap
1977 Ford LTD II–Breaking news from the beat up car that angel Jonathan Smith and his ex-cop best friend and driving partner indicate that the dynamic duo continues to ignore emergency situations they encounter in favor of getting to a kid to make sure he gets to the mall to sit in Santa’s lap. “This…
