Breaking: Graduating Class Gets Married
Walnut Grove, Minn.- In an exciting development for the sleepy Minnesota town, the entire graduating…
Breaking: Graduating Class Gets Married
Walnut Grove, Minn.- In an exciting development for the sleepy Minnesota town, the entire graduating class has gotten married. In what seems to be a first for Walnut Grove, every student that has graduated this year has gotten married to each other when Rachel Brown and Willie Oleson tied the knot. “This is such an exciting…
Being Known As Dying Boy Comes As Relief To Albert
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Albert Ingalls, recent recipient of a fatal diagnosis, reports relief. “If I’m going to be honest, it’s pretty great that this whole death thing overshadows everything else,” Albert comments. “For a really long time, I was known as the boy who burnt the blind school down, which was really stressful and not even…
Jonathan Unaware Bar Fight Job Interview
Winoka, Dakota Territory- Recent reports indicate that newly employed Jonathan Garvey had been unaware that the bar fight in which he recently engaged was actually a job interview. According to Jonathan, he “just stumbled over into that there saloon to beat up Harlan on account of he beat up Charles. It weren’t until I had…
Hester-Sue’s Departure Marks Annual Bad Event At Blind School
Sleepy Eye, Minn.- Hester-Sue’s recent departure from her job at the blind school marks yet another year where some misfortune has befallen the school. Susan Goodspeed, longtime student of the school, recalls the many unfortunate events she has endured over the years. “When I first came to the school,” Susan shares, “ it was in…
Toxic Manager Refers To Coworkers As Family
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports indicate that the manager of the circus currently in town may be toxic. Annabelle, the fat woman in London’s Circus, recently found herself downtrodden when her brother, Oleson’s Mercantile proprietor Nels Oleson, ignored her as she dined at the restaurant his family owns and runs. As she quietly mourned the lackluster…
Jonathan Struggles To Achieve Work-Afterlife Balance
Random California Hotel Room– Angel on probation Jonathan Smith laments that he struggles to achieve a good work-afterlife balance. “It’s just really hard to separate myself from work,” Jonathan comments. “The nature of my job makes it really difficult because I’m expected to always be on call, you know? I can’t fully relax when the…
Jonathan Disappointed To Have Never Gotten Beatles As Assignment
California Highway–Cruising along in Mark Gordon’s beat up vehicle awaiting word on a new assignment on a recent afternoon, angel on probation Jonathan Smith expressed disappointment that he never once received the Beatles as an assignment. “I’ve been doing this for forty years, you know,” Jonathan commented. “That means that while the Beatles were in…
Coulters Wish Neighbors Had Plowed Field Before Packing Finished
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Residents Joseph and Trudy Coulter wish that their neighbors had started being nice to them before they packed their entire house in preparation of their relocation in light of the mistrust they recently experienced. Area farmers found themselves upset when Joseph’s return from Minneapolis with seed corn was delayed. Unbeknownst to them, Joseph…
Report: Laura Acquires Another Nice House
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports from the sleepy Minnesota town indicate that Laura Ingalls Wilder has fallen ass backwards into another stellar house. The young woman who grew up living in the little house her father built–a house so small that she shared a loft with no real barrier to the rest of the house and,…
Editorial: Laura and Almanzo Are Going to Have to Get Over This Bickering If I’m Going to Keep Avoiding Adding Rooms
Anyone who knows me knows that I didn’t want Half Pint getting married before she was 18 years old. I really protested her attraction to Almanzo. Never mind that I let Mary get engaged when she was thirteen and she actually got married when she was sixteen. Inconsistent? Maybe, but I don’t owe you an…
