Report: Charles Would Have Punched Him Anyway
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports from the small farming community reveal that Charles Ingalls wants everyone…
Report: Charles Would Have Punched Him Anyway
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports from the small farming community reveal that Charles Ingalls wants everyone to understand that he would have punched Jenny Sherman’s husband anyway. It seems that recently while Jenny labored with the couple’s first child, Dr. Baker was out of town. Dr. LeDoux, recent addition to Walnut Grove’s professional community, rushed to…
Telephone Crew Sad About Moonshine Loss
Sleepy Eye, Minn.–Recent reports indicate that a large percentage of the workers installing telephone poles across southern Minnesota are disgruntled by a loss of alcohol that could have been easily and entirely prevented. Shaughnessy, cook for the work crew, spent weeks brewing and distilling moonshine only to abandon the enterprise when his machinery exploded. Crewmen…
Itzak Still Waiting On Town’s Fulfillment of Christmas Promises
Colorado Springs, Co.-It has been one year since the town made Christmas promises to Jewish peddler Itzak that it has yet to fulfill. “I’ve been waiting for one year,” Itzak says. “Last Christmas, I gave this town my heart, but the very next day, it seems they gave it away.” Itzak arrived in Colorado Springs…
Breaking: Christmases They Never Forgot Supplanted By This Christmas
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Breaking news from the snowed-in Ingalls home indicate that this Christmas has supplanted everyone’s Christmas they never forgot. “After spending all day, all night, and then this whole day again in this house, I am telling you, I have seen some things in my day but this about tops them all,” Hester Sue…
Report: All Jake Wants For Christmas Is Recognition For His True Power
Colorado Springs, CO.- As the Christmas hustle and bustle is in full swing and with just a couple days left to find that perfect last minute gift, sources in the mountain town reveal that Jake Slicker has dropped some pretty strong hints about what he wants: recognition for the power he holds over the town–but…
Ingalls Family To Eat Lightly, Get No Christmas Presents For Different Reason This Time
Walnut Grove, Minn.- A decision Charles Ingalls recently made has relegated his family to eating lightly for the foreseeable future with impacts possibly extending to the Christmas season. The Ingalls family, no stranger to times of poverty, is forced to tighten their belts for an unusual reason this time: Charles’s impulse purchase of a snow…
Mark and Jonathan Ignore Actual Emergencies On Way To Get Kid In Santa’s Lap
1977 Ford LTD II–Breaking news from the beat up car that angel Jonathan Smith and his ex-cop best friend and driving partner indicate that the dynamic duo continues to ignore emergency situations they encounter in favor of getting to a kid to make sure he gets to the mall to sit in Santa’s lap. “This…
Cooper Kids Hope For Uneventful Christmas This Year
Colorado Springs, Co.– Recent reports from the small mountain town indicate that the Cooper children are hoping for a Christmas celebration untainted by major upheavals, worry, or otherwise big, stressful events. “I thought we were going to have one last year,” Colleen Cooper shares. “We seemed to be on track for a normal family celebration–Sully…
Reverend Alden Once Again Reminds Town He Is Person, Has Feelings
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Reverend Alden is disappointed that he once again had to remind his congregation that he has feelings. “This takes me right back to when I met Anna,” Alden shares. “People act like just because I’m a Reverend I don’t feel things, but I do. I am a man and I feel things. Like…
Report: Edwards’ Sober Behavior Almost As Bad As Drunk Behavior
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports indicate that Isaiah Edwards’ sober escapades have that time he injured Albert in a drunk wagon driving incident and then didn’t take him to the doctor looking tame compared to some of his sober antics. “I think it was the monkey for me,” Nels Oleson, proprietor of Oleson’s Mercantile, indicates. “I…
