Laura Clarifies That She Forebade Almanzo Sing Song Because It Bad
Walnut Grove, Minn.- In the wake of one of their more public spats, Laura Ingalls…
Laura Clarifies That She Forebade Almanzo Sing Song Because It Bad
Walnut Grove, Minn.- In the wake of one of their more public spats, Laura Ingalls Wilder, newlywed to Almanzo Wilder, wishes to make a clarification. “When Almanzo and I made up and I just asked him to never sing that song again, well, I think he thought it was just because Brenda Sue wrote it,”…
Breaking: Reverend’s Voice Changing Weirdest Part of Wedding for Adam
Winoka- In a surprising turn of events from what was a very tumultuous week leading up to his wedding, Adam Kendall confirms that the weirdest part of his wedding day was when the Reverend’s voice suddenly changed. “What a week this has been, huh?” Adam remarks. “First the Ingalls arrive in town and we’re all…
Charles Beats Up Conductor, Gets Free Train Ride
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports indicate that Charles Ingalls once again has demonstrated that violence is okay as long as it is for a good cause. Upon recently learning that his children, Laura and Albert, had run off to help their ailing friend Dillon see the Pacific Ocean, Charles tracked the children down and decided to…
Editorial: This Is The Best Date I’ve Had In A While
You’re probably still all thinking about the circus and what a great time it was, and I must confess that I’m still thinking about it myself. You see, this was one of the best dates I’ve had for a while. I’m new in town, but I’m out there trying to meet the young ladies. I…
Breaking: Dissatisfied Customer Pinpoints High Turnover As Reason For Dissatisfactory Service
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Henry Riley, frequent unsatisfied patron at Nellie’s Restaurant, believes he has pinpointed what is wrong with the establishment. “You see, I have it all figured out,” Henry excitedly shares. “The problem with this place is high turnover. I mean, look at all these employees you have here–first it was Nellie and it was…
Report: Man Who Wanted to Blend In Selected Name Percival
Walnut Grove, Minn. – Sources report that the recent visitation of Benjamin and Edna Cohen has illuminated the fact that Percival Dalton (born Isaac Cohen), chose his name in an effort to fit in and find employment. “Harriet had all kind of issues with the Cohen family,” Nels Oleson comments, “but did it ever once…
Elliott Reed Bets Carter Family Wishes They Had Taken Him Up On Offer Now That John Blew Up Their House
New York, New York– Recent reports indicate that Elliott Reed, father of Sarah Carter, bets that his daughter’s family regrets not taking him up on his recent offer now that their house has been blown up in advance of the railroad coming to Walnut Grove. “I want to make it clear that I never approved…
Report: Charles Would Have Punched Him Anyway
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports from the small farming community reveal that Charles Ingalls wants everyone to understand that he would have punched Jenny Sherman’s husband anyway. It seems that recently while Jenny labored with the couple’s first child, Dr. Baker was out of town. Dr. LeDoux, recent addition to Walnut Grove’s professional community, rushed to…
Telephone Crew Sad About Moonshine Loss
Sleepy Eye, Minn.–Recent reports indicate that a large percentage of the workers installing telephone poles across southern Minnesota are disgruntled by a loss of alcohol that could have been easily and entirely prevented. Shaughnessy, cook for the work crew, spent weeks brewing and distilling moonshine only to abandon the enterprise when his machinery exploded. Crewmen…
Itzak Still Waiting On Town’s Fulfillment of Christmas Promises
Colorado Springs, Co.-It has been one year since the town made Christmas promises to Jewish peddler Itzak that it has yet to fulfill. “I’ve been waiting for one year,” Itzak says. “Last Christmas, I gave this town my heart, but the very next day, it seems they gave it away.” Itzak arrived in Colorado Springs…
