Editorial: I’m Sure There’s A Reason Charles Left My Door Open–I’d Just Like To Know What It Is
Oh, hi there. Excuse me for putting all this stuff out on my porch, but…
Editorial: I’m Sure There’s A Reason Charles Left My Door Open–I’d Just Like To Know What It Is
Oh, hi there. Excuse me for putting all this stuff out on my porch, but you see, everything got just plumb soaked the other night. You see, it wasn’t even me that left it open. In fact, I wasn’t here at all, but I was stuck at dinner thanks to this storm. Well, wouldn’t you…
Breaking: Adam Makes, Forgets Friend Quickly
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent news from the quiet Minnesota town indicates that Charles Ingalls is pleased that he witnessed his son-in-law, Adam Kendall, making a fast friend and then never speaking of that friend again. “It’s what makes the friend fast, you know,” Charles comments. “Sometimes someone goes from stranger to best friend faster than you…
Editorial: What Am I Expected To Do With This Discarded Bloody Rag?
Walnut Grove, Minn.-I’m the stagecoach driver that just had the experience of dropping Charles Ingalls and his son off in front of the hotel in Walnut Grove, and let me tell you, this was not the experience I was expecting. I had heard of the Ingalls family before. Who hasn’t heard of Charles Ingalls? The…
Lars Hansen Discovers Church Contest Loophole
Walnut Grove-In a recent brazen display of ingenuity, town founder Lars Hansen has discovered a loophole to allowing work on Sunday. “Ja, all you have to do is say it is church contest,” Lars chuckles. It seems that Lars has long been searching for an acceptable way to get some work done ona Sunday. After…
Mercantile Struggles To Keep Up With Charles’ Nighttime Coffee Needs
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Sources indicate that the Olesons are having problems keeping up with the nighttime coffee needs of Charles Ingalls. Routinely seen drinking copious amounts of coffee before bedtime, Charles Ingalls is routinely purchasing so much coffee that the proprietors of the Mercantile are having problems keeping pace with the man. “It’s difficult when you…
Report: Charles Would Rather Give In To Old Lady Than Please Family; Elderly Man Loves Blue Ribbon
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Sources who attended the recent Founder’s Day Celebration confirm that Charles Ingalls would rather give in to a crotchety old man than impress his family. Although it disappointed Laura Ingalls, Jim Tyler, former Bull of the Woods, won a woodchopping contest when Charles chose to use his dull axe after Jim’s wife plead…
Big City Man Becomes Benefactor
Winoka, Dakota Territory–Sources indicates that newly minted Big City Man Charles Ingalls has eagerly become a benefactor to a local stray boy. Over breakfast on a recent morning, Charles talked his new young friend Albert, who he has known for a paltry amount of time, into attending school for a quarter a week. The street…
Ingalls Throw Party With No Apparent Motive
Walnut Grove, Minn.-Reports indicate that the Ingalls family recently threw a party despite having no obvious motive. Sources indicate that they attended a Sunday afternoon function at the Ingalls home expecting there to be some reason for the party, only to find once they attended that no such reason existed. “It is rare that the…
Woman Unwilling To Allow Hanky Panky At Hurdy Gurdy Willing To Use Hurdy Gurdy To Deceive Army
Colorado Springs, Co.-Recent reports indicate that a woman who is unwilling to allow hanky panky at her hurdy gurdy will nevertheless use the hurdy gurdy to deceive George Armstrong Custer and his troops. Although some residents, including the Reverend, opposed the opening of the hurdy gurdy, Miss Olive Davis insisted that there are many respectable…
Report: Sully Survives Three Civil War-Centric Visits Without Once Mentioning He Was In That War
Colorado Springs, Co.-Residents of Colorado Springs reveal that the most surprising thing about Byron Sully’s army service is that he made it through three notably Civil War-centric visitors without once mentioning that he too had been in the war. “At first I was so engaged in getting Sully free and keeping him alive that I…
