Colorado Springs, CO.- As the Christmas hustle and bustle is in full swing and with just a couple days left to find that perfect last minute gift, sources in the mountain town reveal that Jake Slicker has dropped some pretty strong hints about what he wants: recognition for the power he holds over the town–but not for the reason one may think.
“Sure, I’m mayor,” Jake comments. “There’s some power there, but it’s not absolute–gotta deal with the town council and they pretty much do what Dr. Mike wants all the time. That doesn’t give me the kind of power that being the town’s only barber does.”
Describing the kind of power he wields by being the town’s only barber, Jake remarks that “you should have seen what I did to old Harry back in ‘62–gave him a cut so bad, his wife wouldn’t talk to him for months.”
Townsfolk confirm that Jake is one person you don’t want to piss off before you get a haircut, but Jake continues that he doesn’t use his power only as a threat or for revenge.
“You ever notice how many men in this town have a great head of hair?” Jake posits. “Think about it: who is cutting their hair? That’s right, it’s me. I’m sure a lot of people think the railroad come here just because of Dr. Mike, but it had to help that when they show up here they see this town of men with great hair. Those layers don’t cut themselves, you know.”
At press time, townsfolk were wondering if Jake cuts his own hair while Jake mused that if people weren’t willing to recognize his power for Christmas a barrel of whiskey and new pair of scissors would do just fine.
