California Highway–Cruising along in Mark Gordon’s beat up vehicle awaiting word on a new assignment on a recent afternoon, angel on probation Jonathan Smith expressed disappointment that he never once received the Beatles as an assignment.
“I’ve been doing this for forty years, you know,” Jonathan commented. “That means that while the Beatles were in their heyday, I had two decades of experience under my belt fixing people’s lives. I liked their music and I would have loved to have fixed their lives.”
As Mark proceeded to try to interject with a complaint about his old vehicle hardly getting any good radio stations, Jonathan cut him off as the knob snapped off into Mark’s hands and continued to reminisce about all the ways he could have helped the Fab Four.
“There’s just so much there that I could have done,” Jonathan lamented. “The drugs, for one. Now I have a proven track record in helping people overcome drug and alcohol use. I also could have used The Stuff to make those screaming girls calm down enough that concert goers could actually hear the music.”
As Mark complained about a lack of fresh air and attempted to roll down the window only for the handle to fall off the car door, Jonathan continued that he “could have helped John Lennon really be a father to Julian. Plus George Harrison had that spiritual bent–the groundwork was pretty much already in place for me to take off running. In the later years as tensions rose, I could have mediated the heck out of them and repaired their relationships. They would have been better friends than ever before.”
A puddle splashed the decrepit vehicle and Mark turned on the wipers only to witness them detach from the windshield and fly away. Almost immediately following, smoke starting coming from beneath the car’s hood as Jonathan concluded, “The Beatles would still be releasing albums today if I had been given the opportunity.”
At press time, the pair was walking away as their vehicle burst into flames. Jonathan was muttering that if the Boss hadn’t seen fit to assign him the Beatles, the “least he could have done” was assign him Mark David Chapman, or maybe even had him intercept J.D. Salinger’s publication of The Catcher in the Rye. Meanwhile, Mark wondered aloud if he would ever get help with his estranged family members.
