Colorado Springs, CO.-Sources reveal that area teenager Jared McAllister struggles with both math and baseball.
The recent arrival of the American All-Stars, a baseball team that travels the country to play amateur teams in hopes of taking advantage of their unlikeliness to read the fine print to make a few bucks, has revealed not only that Loren Bray and the entire town council failed to read said fine print but also that Jared–already known to struggle with math–also struggles with baseball.
When asked for commentary, Matthew Cooper reflected upon Jared’s roots in Denver and noted that it is “a big place.”
It appears that the size of city of origin has little bearing on the acquisition of skills as the same teen who did not know that four time four equals sixteen also cannot make contact with the ball when it is his turn at bat.
“At first I felt bad,” Colleen Cooper, Jared’s romantic interest, states. “But then I realized that it’s not my fault that I’m good at both math and baseball, or better than Jared at least. Besides, Jared has a lot of other good qualities.”
When asked to elaborate on Jared’s good qualities, Colleen deflected and said she needed to check on her pie.
At press time, Jared was hoping that maybe horse racing would work out better for him.
