Undisclosed Location, Arizona– Recent reports indicate that two men who recently engaged in a fist fight also hit on a pregnant woman.
Mort Carstairs and Professor William Woestehoff recently traded barbs and fists over the grade Laura Ingalls Wilder received on her final exam. What the two men did not realize, however, is that Laura, a woman on whom both men previously hit, is pregnant.
Laura, currently expecting her first child with husband Almanzo, is spending the summer in Arizona to attend a reading seminar. Shortly after she and her husband made the progressive decision to allow a pregnant woman to spend weeks away from her husband, men started hitting on her.
“At first I thought it was just Mort,” Laura tells us. “I mean, he could have noticed I was wearing a ring before he started hitting on me, but he was probably just lonely and stressed since he just got fired. Then I arrived at the seminar and Professor Woestehoff starting pursuing me, well that’s when I knew it had to be my pregnancy glow.”
Upon learning that Laura is with child, Professor Woestehoff quickly backtracked after first doing some simple math.
“First, I just want to say that there is no way this child is mine,” Professor Woestehoff states. “Why, I just met that provincial a few weeks ago. Secondly, had I known she was pregnant, I would never have suggested dinner nor put her down for her simple country values when she turned me down. I draw the line at hitting on pregnant women.”
Mort was likewise surprised to hear of Laura’s pregnancy.
“Does this mean that I actually hit on two people?” Mort wondered aloud. “Killed two birds with one stone? Speaking of which, have you heard my bird calls today?”
At press time, Mort tweeted while Eliza Jane Wilder, Laura’s insecure sister-in-law, was wondering why everything had to be about Laura all the time. Meanwhile, Mrs. Pierce, worried about getting in trouble for mistreating a pregnant woman, insists that she would have given her more breaks had she known.
